Protagonist

The premise (intro) needs a bit of a re-work. Right now there’s too much potential for misandry and woke agenda. The MC has no means to be believed that he IS her adopted (or blood) child. Without some immediately identifying marker that AT LEAST the mother in question can identify, the entire point of building a harem is a lot more questionable. You can build tension in a story, to a point. However, it’s a harem. Clearly marked in your tags. That does mean you have to come up with a reason that can be suspended of disbelief wherein the MC can go about his business WITHOUT too much punishment in consequence. Also; it should NEVER be physical. Even implied. No jokes about kicking him in the nuts or cutting them off – it’s the double standard for females. If it’s not okay when it’s a female, it’s NOT okay for a male. The point of making him a hitman/illegal fighter is SUPPOSED to make him badass. It’s not good practice to write that line, and then have the ability to believe such at all true completely undercut in two seconds because Enforcer Girl uses a sleep dart. It’s called sparring/showing that each combatant is at least semi equal and not having special rules for a different set of chromozones. Not if she wants to be respected as a fighter. In general. Let him get a shot in. Hell… let him take her down to the ground with a knee sweep and get a little over confident. I’m not saying she can’t win; or that you can’t take him down a peg, but that scene and the one after were massively jarring. BECAUSE he has no actual evidence of his claim.

Really, all it would take is a distinctive scar/birthmark – like maybe a doctor’s scalpel slipped during delivery, or a unique eye color that’s rare enough she’d know it had to be him. You could give HER a unique shade of natural hair, and have his be like one shade off of it, so she knows it’s him if they are blood related. Or knows it belonged to her best friend/whoever bore him [Which if they’re not related, is probably pointing to the idea “Mom” is going to be in the Harem, to void incest – I get it] Point being, No one is that desperate or stupid to just walk into a place they’ve been told straight up they are not welcome because of their gender – and think he’ll walk out with skin attached. Fore, or otherwise. I also don’t think you need to introduce more antagonists until the MC wins over the ones that are already openly antagonistic to him. He’s already got an anchor tied to his ankle, and you’ve just about tossed him into the deep end as is (despite the fact that at least two might also want to bone him. Or is it Fillet? Knew I missed a D there somewhere, but anyway…) It’s early going yet, so consider this potentially constructive criticism. If English isn’t your first language, fair enough. If writing isn’t your forte outside of coding, I get it. That’s why writers do rough drafts. The art’s appealing; the characterizations need a FUCK TON of work – in softening toward the MC to be believable you could actually build a harem out of this lot, but there’s a good bit of potential. Just remember to pace things well. Too slow, and you’ll bore the audience. Too fast, it’ll be jarring. Or maybe I’m Goldilocks. Benefit of no pic, you never know. I could be.