Making Memories

First, in 5 full chapters thus far – you’ve had one sex scene that does NOT involve the MC; and is the grounds for his divorce. DIVORCE! Not separation period. (It’s one thing if you put Harem in the tags, which I would recommend anyway, by and large – but it SHOULD be Player Choice both of whom to pursue, and more importantly whom to keep)

** You do NOT have NTR in the tags; so she does not simply get to skate, and should perhaps at best be a BDSM (SUB ONLY!) Option. That is probably the only way you can make up what she did. If you’re set on going that route. Personally I WOULD have just written her out of the game. Period. Having her in it is just asking for more drama. Which really rather buggers any romantic context you might be trying to actually build. No matter for what reason you’d justify it. [His head and heart have been fucked by this woman EITHER way, but having her present is only going to make it worse. If you wanted her to be kept, there are two ways you could’ve done it. The first as above; the second, give the MC the option to STOP her from doing it and confront Luisa. Then talk about the “seperation period.” That way, she only ALMOST did something unforgiveable and there’s still context in player choice, and suspension of disbelief she should be forgiven. By the way, Almost does NOT mean watching her suck the guy’s dick. Cheating is even so much as a kiss to some people, so foreplay is STILL NOT OKAY]

There are a few other details: For the KING and Prince choices – MAKE IT CLEAR which one does what. If one is tied to a harem end, and the other is a negative overall, explain that. This kind of content is already supercharged to the point a LOT of people won’t bother giving it to the end of the first chance. Never mind the option to replay for new content. [Hell change it to Harem and One Night stand – cause at this point you’ve cock teased the audience enough that I’d believe by the time you’re done one night with each girl on the right choices is still all you’d get. Yes… you do need to work on that]

I get you guys want to defend a decent (though difficult) story by saying it’s a slow burn; but the important part you seem not to get barring foreplay that most people would have gotten to 3 chapters before now is, even with a “slow burn” story you still have to light the damned match. Also, do not talk about smell so much man. It makes the writing seem like you are three years old. She is a lawyer and his best friend (who wants to bone him) * Yes scent is tied as pheromone and is an important part of animal mating rituals, and scientifically I get what you may very ham-handedly be trying to imply with it, BUT in polite society most people will not bring up the point of scent for exactly how badly it can be taken. If she wants ANY chance with him, I also recommend you STOP making her walk things back every second fucking sentence. She DOES WANT HIM. Period. That’s just getting confusing. And annoying. In any sort of realism which I assume is what you’re going for with the story, THIS is why they didn’t get together. [I do understand as his legal representative she would be keeping – not quite, already – appropriate distance for “professionalism” BUT she can be open with all of that, and how she feels. He is going through a divorce; but rather than be open about what she wants except in what she calls the “heat sequence” she talks about him getting back with a cheating bitch??? Are you on peyote? (She would be smart enough to know it’s a possibility if she’s been a divorce lawyer that long, and while she might recommend professionally some proper counselling, JUST on the point of how badly that would go for her client there is no way in hell she would recommend what you made happen. They’d actually recommend MINIMAL contact, so that nothing could interfere with the process and frankly her client doesn’t end up in handcuffs)

As far as the MC’s Daughter’s Best Friend Aiko or whatever, Fuck Aaron. Put in brackets that she means the MC, or don’t take about others at all. If she’s going to be elsewise involved why is she in the freaking game so prominently. If The lawyer’s had so many other “serious” relationships, why bother with MC? There are things the audience can just ASSUME, and otherwise does not need to know. Especially if all you’ve done thus far is cock tease the MC with minimal foreplay… with not much prospect of more happening that isn’t incest tagged. [Also not theoretically incest because Paetron doesn’t get that games are just Fantasy… > . < ] ** Just to troll, make them first or second cousins. It’s still not legally incest in most of the US, and Canada. You can look it up. I have, for clarification and because I like to learn.

** In time, I would like to see a “family” rebuilt in the vein of pregnancy content. Even if you’ll probably ignore the Harem (but if you do, I definitely do not get the GigaChad meme reference in this most recent update) The story is not necessarily bad, but there are rough patches. You need to get more productive with pacing if you want me to believe as a member of the audience that lawyer friend isn’t just going to yo-yo MC along. Clarify things, but the story; move forward with ALL relationships. Then you can be true to your title. Because other than that, your game might just end up Evanesence. [the act or fact of vanishing quickly – which frankly is why Amy Lee named the band as such] Point being, memories can be good or bad, but the ones that last tend to have impact. If it’s anticipation you’re trying to build to make the hot scenes more worthwhile, recall there’s only so far you can stretch a rubber band, before it snaps.