Abyssal Rhapsody

Dev, you invited thoughts and ideas, so I’ll share mine:

= The first thing you do is imply time travel and FAILURE. If it’s going to be a HAREM > do not do this. Complicated, is not convoluted. Time travel is overly complicated and far too easily gets convoluted. Frankly it’s best used SPARINGLY if at all. Whenever I’ve implemented Time Mechanics for my stories (I’ve used it I think in exactly 2) I literally watched a friend’s mind burn out trying to keep up with exactly how I justified the seperate paths it would take to make the spell potentially fail or actually work. Time is generally NOT something an author should fuck with. It WILL piss off/confuse most of the audience, if not invite them to point out continuity errors and plot holes, and it will be hard for YOU to keep track of where you want to go in story (not to mention being a lazy crutch as auto Dues Ex Bullshit) * Just DO NOT fuck over your main character to start with, hard enough that they EVER HAVE to use it.

= You state that MC’s part dragon, or something… with a “fuck ton” of magical potential/FUCK ALL ability to USE it > WRONG! NEVER FUCKING DO THIS!!! That is just bloody stupid and ham-stringing builds and avenues that COULD be intriguing from the off. It’s fine to say he’s LEARNING to use it, and maybe has to be more slow to do so because he’s got so much magical potential it’s like a river wanting to burst through a dam. (You might say to protect him as a baby, his parent/parents actually BOUND his magic until X specific point – that’s still assholish to the player but viable as it doesn’t needlessly lock off build variants) ** You might as well call him a legitimate magical retard. In that case go get him a couple of daggers and play the edgelord; or a big god damned axe berserker bro, or a set of short swords and let him play Draco in Studded Leather Everything, and fuck the whole idea of magic academy in general. It’s not hard to grasp.

=** If you’re going to bind him to a Succubus for power > Pick literally ANY other name but Lilith. For fuck sakes. At that point you might as well name the MC Captain Glaringly Obvious. Liyan; Equinna, Quirea, Solvat. For example. So long as they sound exotic, it’s not terribly hard to put together a few interesting names that COULD be “demonic.” Or at least alien enough to suit a fantasy setting.

= If you’re going to give the GIRLS magical specializations you NEED to let the Player pick one for their character as well. Period. There’s no point in a faction system that doesn’t encourage different builds that are ALL. VIABLE. I don’t want to get fucked over for wanting a girl in a different faction because I choose to have X faction’s stats or traits in a build I want to play as. [Just DO NOT lock off any of the girls, at all. Until I choose as The Player to tell you I am NOT interested in pursuing them]

= The intro sprite girl; there’s NO POINT in saying in her bio that her hobby is her Master. A) You look stupid, because her “Master” is not a HOBBY. And B) She does not get to HAVE a Master until she potentially MEETS THE PLAYER! (You’re marking her out as YOUR self inserted Waifu. No Bueno)

= Serene: Let. ME. Define. What. Fucking. Relationship. We have. She’s fine as the childhood friend, but I don’t need to be auto fucking her just because YOU think that should be happening. (And I have magic Pheromones?!? Really dude… come the fuck on with that bullshit. You’re literally inviting Non Consent issues that DO NOT need to be in the game for no good goddamned reason!) * Girls being naturally attracted to the LEVEL of his potential power in a magically focused world = plausible enough. Especially as untapped as you’ve allowed it to be. (After the BJ scene, MC says good morning to Serene, and Serene’s answer is “Good Morning Lu.” I picked a custom nickname. You may want to make certain the game recognizes that fact at all points possible)

= a level up system that allows me to choose magical skills, and or physical attributes would be a good idea. Maybe toss a few classes in that grant advantages. Giving the player more customization will never be a bad idea; and since you want branching paths, this will compliment it. As well as potentially allowing the player at certain points to choose builds that may work around losses they’d like to avoid. (And in a Harem Ending it NEEDS to be possible NOT to lose a single Harem Member, for any reason – without having to reset the “time line” a billion times because you want this guy to be smart as a brick) I’ll also assume you intend an equipment system, and an economy based on the outfit the MC had in the dream… you’ll either need to implement a grinding system to allow us to be financially solvent if we wish, or not screw us over economically with shop prices. Upgrades to gear should also FEEL more powerful. Not just look badass. If they’re going to be more pricey, the stats NEED to justify the increased cost.

= You might circumvent the lack of builds if you don’t want to do the above point, by letting each girl gift MC a specific trait (you could state that as they get into the harem/grow to genuinely be forever bound in love or actually get impregnated = depending on whether you’d consider implementing that = the trait would be unlocked, and then potentially strengthened as choices piled to add points of affection and cement the relationship) It would give you a way to show what the MC might possibly value about his women. Still be I win under the power of friendship! and or allow you to let The Player specifically choose what traits they’ll gain from each female in as far as the traits they possess. But that last one might be a little ambitious.

To me, these are the things to consider that could be tweaked even from just the intro so far. Just from the overview this one has potential. So please, by all the holy stars… do not use the “this game has dark/gritty ‘intense’ content” to justify being another emo edgelord asshole MC harem leader who’s also a spineless little bitch that has to let all of his girls do the fighting for him. If you could manage to actually let the MC LEAD and shine under his own merit, I would laud the hell out of you for it.

I do want to see where you go with this. Consider this me trying to help spark your creativity. Whether it’s shouting into the void or not… and hey, if it is, at least it suits the story.